Ok so I haven’t posted what has been going on with me in a long time, well get ready cause here it comes.
Starting out light, I’m still very in to digital painting and you can see a portion of my most recent one above. I’m slowly developing my skills as a digital painter and hope to be really good someday.
I recently got an adaptor and two new accessory lenses for my digital camera and this I love because it gives me a couple more creative options for my photography; some very nice pictures have already resulted from this.
Now even though this is my diary of sorts I barely ever write anything about my very personal life or my feelings, but this is different and I feel it’s time I lay them out.
I have a dear friend, Jen...
…………you know what…..here is a e-mail I wrote originally to my parents and it explains basically everything:
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As the cingular bill clearly states, I’ve been talking
to Jen more and more. And I don’t know for sure but
you may be wondering what’s going on there.
::takes a deep breath and a sip of chocolate milk::
Over the period of time Jen and I have known each
other, we’ve become friends.
And during this time the friendship has changed and
grown from two people who know each other to a very
deep sincere friendship. To where we can tell each
other anything and there’s no such thing as a secret
between us. And this friendship grows more each day.
A deep caring is now there, when she’s happy it brings
joy to the center of my being, and likewise when she’s
sad or hurting, I would do anything to ease the pain,
I’d take it on myself if that was possible. And when
we’re both happy the joy seems to flow back and forth
building up and the feeling that creates is nearly
indescribable.
Side note: smiling big for extended periods of time
creates sore cheeks, and we keep getting sore cheeks
when we’re talking.
In essence we love each other, I’m not sure if it’s
the “for as long as we both shall live” type of love,
but I do know it the intense caring love where you’d
do anything for them and a single word from them can
brighten your day.
You may be thinking “but you’ve never even seen each
other in real life”
While this may be kinda strange to have these kinds of
feeling and never having seen more of each other’s
face than in pictures.
What that comes down to is we haven’t built our
relationship on appearances of any kind, it’s a
relationship built on getting to truly know each other
in the purely non physical world of internet messaging
and phone conversations, through this we’ve come to
love by not a smile or appearance but by the real
people inside, and by our hearts. And in my opinion
that is what love should always be based on, on the
person’s heart,
The facts that she’s beautiful and he’s handsome are
just wonderful bonuses to go on top.
Through the building of this relationship I’ve come to
get what I guess to be a tiny glimpse of the amazingly
intense caring and love that God has for each one of
us.
Blows my mind to think that what I feel for one person
magnified times infinity times the number of people on
the planet plus all those that have lived and will
live would maybe begin to equal the kind of love God
has.
Leaves me speechless
-------------------------------------------------------
I wrote that e-mail less than a month ago and since then my relationship with my parents has been a little stronger, and my relationship with Jen has grown even more.
I love her deeply
About a week ago my parents were leading the sunday night service at praise fellowship church, they were meeting in a little room off to the side of the sanctuary since it’s much cheaper to cool that one little room than the whole sanctuary. Anyways, I was walking around in that sanctuary laying down on random pews just crying out to God asking him to give me some kind of indication that Jen and I are right, that we’re meant to be together, I didn’t get an answer as I lay there but I remember feeling at peace and relaxed.
For some reason I never got around to mentioning this to Jen, that I had been crying out to God and asking that. But as I was talking to her one night recently she told me that, that afternoon she had been talking to God, and asking him, and she told me she felt so at peace and He also told her a few things that we needed to do. And the moment she told me this I realized God had just answered my cry and had given me the indication I needed, so without planning it or even talking about it till after: we had both been crying out to God and we both had felt peace in our hearts.
Now I don’t know what the future brings but the words God gave to Jen were to just relax and wait. And that’s what we’re going to do. And I’m excited to see what the future holds and what God does.
Ok that was indeed a very long post and I congratulate you if you made it all the way through. You now know a good deal more about what’s going on in my life.
To you my only real local friend: If you’re reading this, I’m sorry I didn’t just tell you what was going on, but in truth…I was afraid of how you’d react so I avoided it. But now you know and my only hope is that you’ll just be happy for jen and me.
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